Bakersfield, CA — A local teen spent more than 35 minutes telling his new friend about the unbridled power and handling of his 1992 Honda Civic, which sources say he bought "for about $500" in early spring.
The teen, Tyler Zobrovsky, who volunteered his full legal name twice without being asked, declined to specify a quarter-mile time but said the Civic "really gets going" once it clears 45 miles per hour. "After I install the aluminum gas pedal, I can take it to the track," he added.
The Civic itself, an EX trim painted in a tritone patina of white, black and rust, has 287,000 miles on the odometer, a front bumper held on by zip ties, and what the teen describes as "extensive customization." His mother, Ida Zobrovsky, called it "the same car, with stickers."
Endless Customization Potential
The customizations are itemized in a folder on the teen's phone. They include a "JDM Type R" sticker pack ($4.99 on Temu), a wing spoiler in matte plastic ($11.43, same vendor, mounted with double-sided tape), a "Boost Inside" decal placed on a car that does not have boost, a vinyl door number reading "88" because it's a real racing number, underbody LEDs drawing current the alternator does not have, and a brass exhaust tip secured to the existing exhaust with two-part epoxy. A Chinese-brand stop-watch hangs from the rear-view mirror.
None of these modifications appear in the Honda Motor Company's official catalog of approved enhancements.
He planned to bypass the muffler, only to discover the muffler was gone completely. "The chicks love how it rumbles," he said with a smile. The neighbors, however, do not.
"It's not fast," said the neighbor who did the pre-sale inspection 'as a favor to the kid's mom.' "It's actually quite slow. The engine has a rod knock. The transmission has a leak. The frame has rust through the rear quarter. It does go forward when you press the pedal. It does not go in reverse."
Questions about the street legality of the vehicle remain. "Yeah, it's just the burden of having a souped-up car. There's always a mod that is legal in one town and illegal in the next," he said. Missing taillights may not be in that mod category, advises ChatGPT.
Race Plans
The teen and his friend Kevin, who films the project on TikTok, are preparing the Civic for entry into the monthly Cars and Coffee meet at a strip mall on Highway 99, an event the teen describes as "basically a race." The event has no timing, no track, and no winners.
In preparation, Tyler cruises the lake area looking for unsanctioned green-light contests. "Two weeks ago, I left a Porsche in the dust," he boasted. "Once I saw him looking at his phone during the red light, I knew I could take him."
Tyler diligently commits his successes to memory. "I blew away my friend's e-scooter in the quarter, even though he had a better start."
Asked if his girlfriend would attend the upcoming race, Tyler hesitated. "She, uh, lives in a different city."
Asked about future modification plans, Tyler says he plans to get a subwoofer for the backseat, and 'maybe build a wood frame around it with some of the old 2x4s in the garage.' But he'll have to wait until next year for more birthday money.
Tyler's other acquaintances have already tired of his car obsession. "Tyler's Civvy goes OK, but not as great as Tyler says," one said. "It's about as fast as my aunt's minivan. She always drives too fast."
Asked how he was able to finance the vehicle, Tyler said: "I got it mostly with birthday money and selling my old PS4 games, then I worked like 10 days delivering Uber Eats to buy this custom shift knob."
Satyr Satire requested comment from Temu. Temu acknowledged receipt of the inquiry in five separate emails and offered a 30 percent off coupon.