All tiers include ads, the anal-probing rider costs extra, and call-wait times are, by design, extraordinarily long.

"This has been in planning since rich people got REALLY rich." Officials cite filthy "little people" as the primary hazard.

Stockers fear the conflict could spill over into the Asian Foods section.

Only shoppers with healthcare coverage treated, remainder piled in heap outside the loading dock.

The company, which has lost $14 billion this year alone, says regular people deserve "equal access to financial disaster."

Industry leaders pray for a peaceful resolution, while enjoying gymnastic exuberance as Brent crude passes $120 and the champagne budget passes $12 million.