SatyrSatire
The modern dad does not, in fact, need anything out there. He just needs to be out there.
SUBURBAN HEIGHTS, Ohio — A sweeping report from the Institute for Domestic Solitude confirms what families long suspected but never dared interrupt: the contemporary father has realized his deepest aspiration, which is to stand silently among his tools and be accounted for by no one.
The study tracked one representative father, noting he entered the garage four times a day, each time announcing he was "going to check on something." Investigators could not determine what the something was, and concluded the father could not determine it either.
His children believe he is building something. His spouse believes he is fixing something. The father, reached for comment, was holding a single bolt he had held since the previous spring.
Reporters note it is still several degrees warmer than the average billing department.
Regulators say consumers have never had more options, provided they enjoy the same option in different fonts.
