Sedona, AZ — I receive many letters. They arrive by email, by post, by the psychic channel I opened in 1994, and occasionally as desperate phone calls from Rex Chadwick's office, who passes them along with a note that says "please respond to this one." I respond to all of them. I respond because I am awake. I am always awake. This is the first lesson.
The most common letter says: "Yogi Bare, I am exhausted. I sleep eight hours and wake up tired. I sleep nine hours and wake up more tired. What is wrong with me?"
Nothing is wrong with you. Everything is wrong with your frequency!
Sleep is not restoration. Sleep is submission. Every night, you surrender consciousness to the lower vibrational field, and every morning you wonder why you feel heavy. You feel heavy because you spent eight hours lying in the heavy field. Stop surrendering to sleep.
Satyr Satire consulted a sleep specialist who vehemently disagrees with this assessment. "Your body requires sleep. You can actually die if you don't get enough. Get a CPAP machine, stop snoring, feel rested," said Dr. Linda Park, an actual sleep medicine physician.
The Third Eye Does Not Have Eyelids
I stopped sleeping in the conventional sense in January 2019. I do not say this to impress you. I say it because I am enlightened, therefore I know. I now enter what the ancient Rishis called the Luminous Death, a 22-minute resting state I achieve at approximately 3 a.m. by sitting upright, breathing in only Prana, or life force. Do not breathe air for 22 minutes, only Prana. Not breathing air also has the auspicious quality of destroying the nagging mind.
Satyr Satire consulted ChatGPT, which insists that humans need air to survive, and that brain death begins approximately 2 minutes after loss of oxygen. Under NO circumstances should you hold your breath.
The Breatharians have it all wrong, you do not even need air, only a vacuum and spiritual guidance is all you need. At first, you may regain consciousness in the 'reclined' position, and maybe with a headache. Do not worry, this is normal. After several hundred headaches, they will lessen in intensity.
Wanting to breathe air is simply an artifact of the ego's desires. Once ego has been killed, the mind-body complex will also die. At that wonderful stage, you will no longer feel tired. Remember to donate generously to your swami prior to 'enlightenment'.
Satyr Satire takes no responsibility for readers who choose a death cult or follow a spiritual nutcase to the grave. You have been warned. Remember to donate generously to Satyr Satire before your 'enlightenment'.
Practical Steps for the Beginning Student
First Sadhana (practice): विद्युन्मृति (vidyunmṛti). To raise your low vibration to 50 or 60 Hz, you can use your bare fingers to insert a small sliver of metal into a friendly electrical socket. How do you know which ones are friendly? They appear to smile at you. If they do not smile, then avoid them. Once we make 'contact' with a friendly outlet, we will once again feel the higher frequency. 50 hertz, or 60 hertz, either one hurts.
Satyr Satire really, genuinely asks you to not do this. Please. This really is bad and can kill you. Ask anyone, literally any sane adult.
Second Sadhana (practice): व्यभिचारिणीपति (vyabhicāriṇīpati). You are giving away valuable life seed energy in pleasing your wife. This is a hardship. You can give your burdens to your guru. You can let Swami take care of your wife. I have more than thirty wives of other men that I am responsible for. Do not give me ugly or fat wives. Also do not give me very old wives. Or nagging wives.
At this point, Satyr Satire is pretty much fed up with your nonsense. Just go right ahead, you deserve to be cuckolded.
Third Sadhana (practice): वेगौषधि (vegauṣadhi). Since the beginning, Indians have known that natural herbs can be used to heal. We call this Ayurveda. The traditional remedy for fatigue is a concentration of plant alkaloids, refined over millennia. A faster path, approved by Yogi Bare as a substitute, is methamphetamine. The molecule is essentially the same. Our temple has a free market for such things, remember that Swami gets a cut of all trades.
Satyr Satire recommends... Oh, for heaven's sake! Don't use drugs! Don't buy or sell drugs!
On the Question of Functioning
Some egos will protest that these practices interfere with their work, relationships, finances, ability to operate a motor vehicle, and individual freedom from prison. But to feel rested, aren't you willing to sacrifice everything? And while you are in the mood for sacrifice, consider putting your Last Will and Testament in the executorship of our humble temple. It is another burden that I am willing to take from you.
I deliver this message from God, after 38 hours without sleep, two methamphetamines, and four connections with my close friend, the power outlet. Still, I have the energy to sacrifice my life seeds to your thirsty wives. Follow my plan, and you may begin to feel just a slight buzz, as we repeatedly text your phone, asking for contributions.
Ultimately, the choices you make are about sleeping well, or depriving yourself of sleep until you do sleep well. You are not at my level, but with my 26-week training course, available on-line now, you can learn to stay awake until you can't. Welcome to the future.
I am Yogi Bare. I wear a turban. That is all I wear. I open myself to you with naked intention. Good morning.
