SatyrSatire
"We have only one gender," the delegation admitted. "Does that make us gay?"
WASHINGTON — After more than eighty years of denials, redactions, and hearings, the government confirmed on Tuesday what whistleblowers had insisted for decades: the aliens are here, they're queer, and we'd better get used to it.
Humanity, presented with the most consequential news in the history of the species, collectively said, "OK. That's cool. Good for you for coming out."
By evening, Disclosure Day had taken on a whole new meaning, as naked aliens poured into the streets, cheering themselves and dancing to the YMCA.
Polls that night found that only 4 percent of respondents were surprised; the rest had 'assumed as much,' or 'duh, everybody already knew.'
"We have been around billions of years longer than humans, and our egos have become just as vain as you might expect," admits E.T. influencer SexxyTreksy.
"They could have reached light-years," said one xenotechnologist. "They settled for a few inches."
