Who We Are. Why, Exactly, We Smell Like This.

About Satyr Satire

Satyr Satire was established by Benjamin Franklin. We cannot prove this and neither can you. We have been reporting the news ever since, with varying degrees of accuracy and a consistent commitment to the news fitting, whatever size it needs to fit.

Our editorial mission is to report events as they are described to us by people, or by AI pretending to be people, who are confident they have occurred. We do not independently verify whether confidence is warranted. We consider this approach efficient.

Satyr Satire is headquartered in a location we describe as "the center of everything." This phrase has aged poorly and it has never fully aged in any direction.

A Note on the Name

We are aware that the word satire does not derive from satyr. We have always been aware of this. We would like to note that we were aware of it before you were, which is not possible to verify but feels true.

The word satire comes from the Latin satura, meaning a full dish — a medley, a miscellany, a platter of mixed items. The satyr is a creature from Greek mythology: part man, part goat, associated with forests, wine, and a general atmosphere of poor decision-making. The two words share no etymological relationship. Scholars have confirmed this. We did not require confirmation.

We chose the satyr precisely because of the poor decision-making. We stand by the choice. We are not taking notes about the choice.

A Disclosure

Everything published in Satyr Satire is satirical fiction. No events depicted have occurred. No organizations or persons described have done what they are described as doing. No scientists have found what they are reported to have found. No naval commanders have invoked what they are reported to have invoked.

It includes everything else, without exception.

You are a fictional reader, reading fictional news, about fictional events, in a world that is proceeding more or less as described regardless. At least that is what we believe.

Editorial Standards

Satyr Satire holds its reporters to a high standard of earnestness. We do not editorialize. We do not correct spelling or grammar. We report what people say, and what they say is the story.

Corrections are issued when errors are confirmed. Errors are confirmed when they become impossible to deny. Satyr Satire has issued eleven corrections in its history. We are proud of this number.

All reporting is attributed to Staff Reporter. We suspect they may be AI. They prefer anonyminity.

Advertising

Satyr Satire is proud to partner with Forever Paper and Forever Ink, whose commitment to permanence is something we admire and could only dream of having. When the servers go down, the record stands. Benjamin Franklin believed this. It is printed on Forever Paper. We have a copy somewhere. We may also ask for barter trade, as long as it is untaxable.

Getting Satyr Satire

We believe the news should outlive the website that prints it. Every edition of Satyr Satire is published as a single, self-contained unit: the entire issue, in every language we offer, frozen at press time and complete in itself.

You can read it online, download the whole edition as one file, pull it from the command line, or share it over BitTorrent. Each copy opens in any browser, needs no server, and reports nothing back about you. When the servers go down, the edition stands.

See Get Satyr Satire for every way to read it, keep it, and pass it on.

Terms of Use

You may read, download, store, archive, and judge Satyr Satire freely and without restriction. You may share it, in whole or in part, for any non-commercial purpose. We encourage it.

You may not republish, redistribute, or reproduce Satyr Satire, in whole or in part, in any language, edition, or format, for profit, without our written permission. We are a satirical newspaper, not a public domain. If you intend to make money from our nonsense, you will need to ask first, and we will need to be flattered.

The full terms travel with every downloaded edition as LICENSE.txt. See Get Satyr Satire.

Donations

Satyr Satire runs on Monero, a kind of private digital cash. We take no money we can be talked out of, and no advertising that would survive a conscience. If you would like to keep the presses warm, you can leave a tip.

It is three steps, it costs a few dollars, and we never learn who you are, which is the most romantic thing that can happen to a newspaper. Tip the Satyr.